The Talking Ray
by Atomius
Summary: Phineas invents a device that can make inanimate objects, plants and animals, speak.


The Talking Ray

Phineas and Ferb sat as usual under the tree in their back yard. It was nearly nine o'clock and they hadn't done anything that morning. Just then their sister Candace appeared.

"Oh don't even think that'll work"

"What?" asked a confused Phineas.

"That trick. It's pathetic, so stop it already"

"What trick?"

"That trick where you pretend to be doing nothing all day and then as soon as i've turned my head you start building a castle or finding the holy grail"

"Candace, we'd never do something behind your back. You're our sister, after all"

"Oh sure... Like that'll work"

"Chillax Candace, it's a nice day" said Ferb, taking a sip of his lemonade.

Candace, of course, was having none of this. She'd watch them intently no matter what. Setting up cameras in strategic positions, even a few in neighbours and friends yards just to be on the safe side, she smiled as she set off to meet Jeremy and Stacy at the mall.

Phineas looked casually at a potted flower by the house wall.

"You know Ferb... wouldn't it be interesting if stuff like plants and inanimate objects could talk? Imagine what they'd say"

Ferb thought. Phineas continued looking at the flower, then at a brick, then at Perry.

"Hey Ferb! I know what we're gonna do today! We'll invent a ray that can make things talk that usually can't like animals! We'll use it on all sorts of things and have conversations with them- and then we'll try it on Perry! Just think what secrets a pet platypus would have to tell us!"

Perry made his noise and slowly crawled out of sight. Once out of view he put on his secret agent hat and slid down the tube into the message recieving room. Monogram was visible on the screen picking his nose.

"Oh!- hello Agent P. Didn't think you'd come so quickly... Forgot we finally greased the tube. Doctor Doofenshmirtz has bought a large amount of sugar, gelatine and flavoring! I want you to see what's up, and stop anything evil he might be attempting!"

Perry saluted Monogram and went off to battle Doofenshmirtz.

Meanwhile Phineas and Ferb were hard at work on their ray machine, Candace fully aware of the fact, and Isabella and their friends arriving.

"Whatcha doin' Phineas?"

"Building a talking ray. You aim at at anything and it gives that object or animal the power to talk!"

"Wow... like Perry?"

"Yeah... That's a point... Where's Perry?"

Perry was at Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated, and, having spotted his nemesis inspecting what looked like a row of brightly coloured sweets, he cautiously came closer. Doofenshmirtz smiled and turned, pressing a remote control button just in time to trap Perry in an aluminium cage.

"Haha! I bet you didn't see that one coming Perry! You see i have a security camera system set up and so i was able to see you approaching... Oh, you should have seen your face when i caught you! Ah... I bet you're wondering why i am looking at these sweets, yes? Well back in Drueselstain as a young boy my parents always bought Roger sweets but i never got any... Instead i got coal chews and dirt cakes... Not at all nice. So, to get revenge on my brother, i have created a line of evil sweets with juicy centres! And you'll never guess, but the juicy centres contain an evil mind numbing agent which turns any human into a drone to do as i please with- my own army of slaves with which to take over the tri state area! Of course sweets are only eaten by kids... so it might not be the most experienced or well equipped army now i come to think about it... Perhaps i should have marketed a line of cough medecine instead... Well too late to turn back and- Hey! How did you escape my cage? Oh... i knew i shouldn't have set my trap above my couch... You must have crawled underneath it... Well Perry, it's too late to stop me! I've already sold bucketloads of these!"

Perry knew he couldn't do anything there, so he left the skyscraper to a somewhat dissapointed Doofenshmirtz to inform Monogram about the sweets, as one platypus could never stop thousands of children from buying sweets at once.

Meanwhile Candace was with Jeremy and Stacy at the mall, and was aware Phineas and Ferb had just managed to strike up a conversation with a rather chatty snail. This alone would be bust worthy to even her highest standards of perfection, but, Candace simply knew they'd do something even better soon. However she alerted her mother of her brothers doings, but to no avail, as of course her mother believed, without proof, she was insane.

Phineas pointed the ray machine at the pavement and a slab of cement looked up at him blankly, but, in an animated fashion, began to talk from some invisible mouth.

"It's about time somebody talked to me. It's so boring being a slab of cement. Do you realise that since Fred 99 i haven't had a decent conversation?"

Phineas observed that this had been drawn on the slab during it's creation.

"Didn't Fred use to have that cool bike we all envied? He was in sixth grade when we started school..."

"That's right, Phineas, and his cool bike was his first choice of how to say good morning to me. Thankfully he decided not to scar me in such a fashion or i'd be a frightful sight to behold!"

"Well cement slab it's been cool talking to you... Wow. It's amazing how every single object has a story to tell... I wonder how the tree in the yard feels about us?"

They took the ray machine to the back yard and in plain view of the camera had a conversation with it. Candace recorded this on her mobile and sent it to her mother by email. Her mother opened the email and watched the video.

When she got home she was smiling.

"It's amazing what imaginations you boys have... a talking tree... whatever will you think of next?"

"But mom, it was for real!" said Candace, "it actually talked to them!"

But unfortunately for Candace her mother remained unconvinced.

Perry returned later and the family sat down for dinner.

"Hey,we forgot to test the device on Perry! Come here boy, we'll zap you with our talking ray!"

But Perry thought it appropriate to go for a walk and left them, sneaking into a nook or cranny out of sight.

"Funny" said Ferb, eating some noodles, "It seemed almost as if he had a secret to hide!"

And so once more Perry evaded his identity being revealed. But for how long?


End file.
